Ambivalent Love
by Sakuchii
Summary: Staring at Ichinose, Aki finally realizes that the boy does not love her. Even though she's aware of that she still can't stop loving him...


**A/N**: I'm no good with sad stories... Anyway this is something that happened in real life... The place and the characters of course have been changed. My choice for AkixIchinose... Dunno? I like this pairing and it matched the story!

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING IN THIS STORY EXPECT FOR THE PLOT!

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**Ambivalent Love **  
_Happy? x Sad?_

Ah,_ why must this all happen?_

Aki glanced at Ichinose with sad look and sighed. How had she ended up in this kind of situation? Why was she feeling so uncomfortable and bad inside? The brown-haired boy kept laughing happily while she was staring at him and captured his every expression.

It was almost Christmas already and the gang had decided to gather together. Endou had called almost everyone and now they were at school, which Natsumi had opened for them. Everyone was having fun laughing together and playing different kind of games… Everyone expect Aki.

_Why Am I feeling this way_

Aki closed her eyes while trying her best to keep her tears from coming. She once more glanced at the brown-haired boy who was speaking with Endou and the others and laughing non-stop. Her chest hurt just to look at the boy. It was like she was losing to everyone, she felt that she wasn't anyone important to him.

Ichinose, he always acted so kind towards her when they were together with Domon, just the three of them. He was always talking with her and showing attention towards the girl, but whenever they were with the soccer club she was like a thin air to him. He did answer to her question and maybe sometimes spoke to her, but otherwise he kept talking with others. As if it didn't matter if she was there or not.

Staring at the person she liked, wanting his arms to warm her cold ones, wanting to kiss those laughing lips of him or even just to sit next to him and feel his warmth, Aki was at the point of breaking.

Just a moment ago she had been really happy that they had gathered together and that she was able to see him, but it hurt to finally realize that she was completely nothing to him. Well, maybe just a good friend, but nothing more than that.

_… Nothing More Than That …_

Laughing at a stupid joke, Aki did her best to act that she was okay. She didn't want anyone to worry about her, knowing that this year had been hard on everyone. Keeping all her feelings Aki kept gazing at the boy she liked while a light smile was on her face.

"And then he…" the boy was just explaining something to Endou. Aki noticed that Ichinose was glancing at her from time to, but everytime they eyes met he quickly avoided her glance. Being defeated by Endou, Aki didn't like it. But she couldn't say it aloud either.

She didn't want to be selfish, she just wanted some attention. Just some kind of sign that the boy she had liked for so long liked her back. They didn't have to start dating right away she just needed insurance that he felt the same way about her.

But she couldn't confess to him… The fear of getting regret and having her heart-broken… and more over breaking off their friendship would be too much for her. She wouldn't stand not being able to speak freely with Ichinose.

Aki knew very well that at the moment she couldn't win against Endou and the other boys. At the very moment they and soccer were more important to Ichinose than girls and dating. And Aki didn't blame the boy for it. She knew very well that boy's should be free and act the way they want for as long as they want.

But her patience was getting over the line. The more she waited, the more she fell in love with the boy and the more it would hurt to let go of him. It would hurt too much. She didn't want to hurry the boy but she couldn't wait much longer either. Aki hated when her feelings were so ambivalent.

_I just have to bear with them._

Having experienced so many things that year, Aki couldn't believe that she even had to cut her hair because of a stupid promise. Aki had asked Ichinose to take her to a soccer match and he had promised, but he had had plans on the day of the match.

So the trip was canceled once and ended up being canceled for two times after that. The second time Aki wasn't able to come and on the third time it was raining so hard that Ichinose thought it would've been better if they didn't go to the match anymore. After the third failed trip Aki had finally understood that it would impossible for them to go anymore.

Having made a promise that if the trip would fail she would cut her hair, Aki ended up fulfilling her promise. The boy probably hadn't even noticed it…. Or at least he hadn't said anything about it. Aki closed her eyes while sighing. She remembered just for how long she had cried when she had found out that the trip wouldn't success. She had bet everything on it so it really hurt to know that they weren't able to watch it.

Ichinose had told that maybe next year, but Aki didn't like it. After all next year it wouldn't be the same thing anymore…

_Nothing remained the same. _

The clock was ticking and Aki noticed that it was already getting late. She stood up and when to get her coat and scarf and wrapped it around her neck, "Ah, are you going already?" the girl heard Touko asking from her. Aki turned to look at Ichinose, who still was laughing not even paying attention that she was about to leave.

"Yeah, we have quest coming today so I need to be with them," the girl explained shortly and Touko nodded to her as an answer. Ichinose stopped for a while and glanced at his clock. After that he turned to look at Aki who was about to leave and then back at Endou. "Maybe we should go?" he questioned and Aki felt her heart skipping a beat.

A light smile appeared on her face as she felt happy that the boy too wanted to leave. Maybe it they left at the same time then they would go home together. Aki waited for the boy for a while outside, hoping that he would come soon… but he never did. Aki assumed that Endou didn't want to leave yet, so Ichinose too was staying with him.

A deep sigh escaped from Aki's lips as she dried her wet eyes while strolling home. Of course, it was obvious for her that he would place Endou before her, but it didn't have to come so straight and hit her right at her face. She knew that she was nothing to him, well closer than just normal girl, but nothing more.

Aki finally arrived home and she opened the front door, entering the empty house. She had lied to everyone about the quests as she had just wanted to escape from the place. Being there for any long would just make everything worse.

The girl walked to her room and feel on her bed. With the bittersweet feeling of being happy to see Ichinose, but being broken by his actions the girl covered her eyes with her hand and let tear drops fall down her cheeks.

_Maybe next year will be better one…_

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A/N: That's it... Gaagh, I'm really no good with sad stories...

To - (not) - to - be - continued?


End file.
